you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
