Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
