No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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