I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize