Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Houston, we have a blender
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
