after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
