I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
