I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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