Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
