he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
