fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
