Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
