so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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