I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize