1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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