We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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