Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
