if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize