this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i now understand why vodka
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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