I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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