Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
