Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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