I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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