Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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