Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
