I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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