do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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