If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
