Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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