Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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