I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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