Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
