I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
