we made out on top of his cat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
