i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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