Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
