I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
