and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
