So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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