I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
