Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
