i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
