I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
