I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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