Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize