My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize