Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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