may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
