Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
