Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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