return my video game
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
