their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
