I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
