What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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