You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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