Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
