Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We left the knife in your bed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
as a side note pls kill me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
