Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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