I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize