something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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