I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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