I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
