What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
