last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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