I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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