Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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